A Twisting Feeling in the Groin

In my confessions, I mention that I think about sex more than anything else.  That's certainly true, and I think about love a lot too. Hmmm, I think what I think about most is desire.  It's about lust and need and love and intercourse, and, god, I dunno, this flaming need to make the absolute closest possible contact with someone.  Not just bodily, I mean totally.  I wanna crawl up in a mind and lie back and bathe in it, absorb the psyche through my pores.  Then commence to rubbing on it with mine.

Ok it sounds weird.  What is it, brain sex?  Sure as hell goes beyond the clinical definition of sex.  And I am not referring to cybersex either, though brain sex can be done online.  It ain't the same thing.  With cybersex, you tell your partner what you are doing to him or her right now, in your imagination, and your partner does the same for you.  And that can certainly be arousing and satisfying.  BUT...

What happens when you have gotten to know someone so well, you can read the pauses, and answer their question before they ask it?  And yet still they can surprise you with stuff that never occurred to you?  What if you have an intuitive connection with the other, and the things you are thinking swim in tandem like dolphin mates?  Then what?

What if sex, online or off, becomes like being the other person, but not totally?  Geez, language is failing me.

Then what if you start connecting stuff up?  Like the email icon in the toolbar?  Like the pictures you pasted together from photos and pirated art?  Like, oh god, anything?

Well for me, I wind up with a continuous twisting sensation in the groin.  Not a painful kind of twisting, it's like every muscle in my vaginal wall does a spasm at once, and it's like closing the bread bag, before you twist the tie on, one quick spin.  And I find myself flexing my muscles trying to shake the feeling loose.  Course that makes it worse, cuz now I got twinges twanging all through the whole region.

So it's a repetitive cycle; thinking about it twists me, which makes me think about it more.

Hmmm.  Time for a shower.