ok, the Herpes ThingIt didn't occur to me at the time that my confessions might provide fodder for my journal. But now that I think about it, I did throw some stuff out there that ought to be explained. And the more transgressions I remember, the more I will add, heh, and also the more I will commit, so this could go on for some time.
Seems to me, if you're gonna get an STD, there isn't really any better way to get it than the way I did. Whatcha do is get a relatively tolerable, non-life-threatening, inconvenient but not debilitating little viral infection, and you be sure to get it within the confines of a loving monogamous relationship. Course, I often think I would rather have gotten one of the ones curable by antibiotics, but then again, it's a tradeoff. If you miss the symptoms of some of those, you could go sterile or even die.
Actually I chalk my having contracted this thing to arrogance and the illusion of control. See, the guy who gave this to me (and was sorely regretful about it) knew beforehand that it was only communicable when an outbreak is occurring. So we didn't bother with the condoms as long as he wasn't on the verge of orgasm.
Dr. Ruth, I was later to find out, would have shot us. We did a double no-no.
Well we found out the hard way that the virus can spread a day or so before you notice an outbreak. What we were lucky not to have found out the hard way is that those pesky little resilient sperm are so damned determined to find an egg, that just touching the warm, wet and fuzzy area with the stud rod o' love is enough to make conception possible. Maybe not as probable as entry, but possible. And the wiggly fellers don't even wait for orgasm; some of them get a head start with that tiny bit of lubrication the penis puts out.
I am wondering now just how did herpes change my life, really.
Well, it made childbirth a bit tricky. They won't let ya do childbirth the usual way if you have an outbreak; you have to have a C-section. I was fortuante enough to NOT be broken out with it when the time came, for both sons, but the worry was there. Another thing to consider, to worry about, in a time that's already topsy-turvy.
The thing that worries me these days is finding a partner in the future. Not that many people will be all that interested in someone they know is a carrier of a disease. But I sure as hell am not going into a relationship without revealing this early on. I have redoubled my efforts to chart the outbreaks, as they do occur in cycles, and I have been playing around with the new female condom, as perhaps a more effective barrier than the male kind. I am doing what I can to decrease my stress levels, as stress brings on outbreaks out-of-cycle.
Most of my friends get shocked when they find out I have it; thing is, you'd be amazed at how many people have it, and have pretty darn normal lives in spite of it.
Still, it's gonna make dating tough. Maybe I should take out an ad. "Seperated herpes-infested WF seeking understanding partner."
Eh. Maybe not.