Do you know how much it hurts me that I have to bribe you to speak to me?  It hurts to know 
that if I am not valuable to you in a business sense, that I am not valuable to you at all.  
It hurts to know that my works for you might be appreciated, but my love for you will never 
be.  Are you ashamed?  Are you embarassed?  Do you regret having ever told me that you would 
love me forever, and never be anything less than a friend?  Do you wish my services were not 
indispensable, so that you wouldn't have to keep accepting my help?  Do you want me gone?  Am 
I a distasteful memory?  Am I a pathetic hanger-on?
It is useless and safe to say, to ask, these things here.  I know you don't read me.  You have 
no idea how central to my life my writings are, or if you do, it isn't important to you.