TEST YOUR DYKE QUOTIENT
copyright L.B. Klein, 1994, 1995
"yes"
points
1. Do you own a truck? 5
2. Do you own a foreign-made car? 1
3. Does the vehicle you drive most have
standard transmission? 3
4. Do you own a motorcycle? 5
5. Is there a gay-oriented decal or bumper
sticker on your vehicle? 2
6. Do you change its oil or spark plugs yourself? 5
7. Do you own an electric drill? 2
8. Do you own a chain saw or table saw? 5
9. Do you ever wear steel-toed work boots? 3
10. Do you use a tool belt? 10
11. Have you ever spent an evening "cruising"
the hardware store? 10
12. Do you regularly wear a baseball cap? 2
13. Do you regularly wear a hard hat or cowboy hat? 5
14. Do you wear cowboy boots at least once per week? 3
15. Do your boots have spurs? 5
16. Can you do more than two line dances? -1
17. Do you regularly wear men's cologne or
after-shave? 2
18. Do you shave
(a) any part of your neck or face? 5
(b) your armpits? -1
(c) your legs -- just knees and below? -1
(d) your legs -- all the way up? -5
(e) your pubic hair? 2
(f) your partner's pubic hair? 10
19. Do you wear panty hose to work? -2
20. Do you wear panty hose on dates? -10
21. Before going out on a date, do you usually
(a) shine your shoes/boots? 5
(b) wash your car/truck? 5
(c) take a bubble bath? -5
22. What do you usually wear to sleep,
(a) pajamas? 5
(b) a t-shirt? 2
(c) nothing more than a smile? 1
(d) a nightgown? -5
(e) a negligee? -10
23. Do you own more than 3 flannel shirts? 2
24. Do you wear men's jeans? 3
25. Do you like to wear neckties? 3
26. Do you have a black leather jacket with
lots of zippers? 5
27. Do you wear men's briefs or boxer shorts? 10
28. Do you own more than 3 pairs of high heels? -10
29. Do you use a nail clipper instead of an
emery board? 5
30. Do you polish your
(a) fingernails? -5
(b) toenails? -10
31. Do you
(a) golf? 1
(b) play organized soccer or volleyball? 2
(c) play organized softball or basketball? 3
(d) play organized football or hockey? 10
(e) participate in track-and-field? 10
(f) own cleats (other than golf shoes)? 5
32. Do you lift weights? 2
33. Do you own a weight bench? 5
34. Do you work out using a Jane Fonda, Richard Simmons,
or similar video? -5
35. Have you ever changed your hair color? -5
36. Is your hair shoulder-length or longer? -5
37. Do you wear a barrette or headband? -10
38. Do you use
(a) lipstick? -2
(b) eye makeup? -3
(c) glitter -10
39. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? -2
40. For each tatoo: 5
41. Do you ever smoke a pipe or cigar? 5
42. Do you chew tobacco? 10
43. Do you shoot pool? 2
44. Do you own a cue stick? 3
45. Do you carry a purse?
(a) never! (fanny pack doesn't count) 10
(b) seldom 2
(c) more often than not -2
(d) nearly always -5
46. Do your friends call you by your initials? 3
47. Have you seen "Claire of the Moon" or "Desert
Hearts" more than once each? 2
47. For each cat as a pet of yours: 1
48. Do you own a shotgun or target pistol? 5
49. Have you ever served in the military? 10
50. Do you have a fishing license? 2
51. Do you bait your own hook? 1
52. Do you own a tent? 2
53. For each time you have been (max. 10/event): 2
(a) white water rafting
(b) jet skiing
(c) cliff diving
(d) mountain climbing
(e) parasailing
(f) hanggliding
54. Would you rather barbeque burgers than cook
a gourmet meal? 1
55. Do you have a flashlight on your keychain? 1
56. Do you have a pen knife on your keychain? 2
57. Do you wear your keys on your belt or belt loop? 10
58. Do you wear a watch with the dial on the inside
of your wrist? 10
59. For each ad in the gay personals you've answered: 1
60. For each ad in the gay personals you've placed: 2
61. Do you play
(a) an electric guitar? 2
(b) a brass instrument? 3
(c) drums (other than ritual type)? 3
62. Can you sew on a button or do a hem? -2
63. Do you knit, crochet, or needlepoint? -5
64. Do you enjoy opera? -2
65. Do you watch soap operas? -5
66. Do you collect
(a) stamps or coins? 3
(b) baseball or football cards? 3
(c) Hummel or Lladro figurines? -3
67. Are you afraid of spiders? -1
68. Do you like to lead when dancing? 3
69. Do you drink shots? 3
70. Do you drink pop or beer from the can/bottle
rather than from a glass? 3
71. Can you do a "wolf whistle"? 1
72. Can you tie a cherry stem into a knot inside
your mouth? 3
73. Can you set a bowling ball rolling with
your tongue? 5
74. Can you suck a golf ball through a garden hose? 10
75. Is your favorite tree the pussy willow? 1
76. Do you keep a can of whipped cream in the
refrigerator? 1
77. Do you carry a dental dam folded in your wallet? 10
78. For each earring above 2 worn in the same ear: 2
79. For each piercing other than on the ears: 5
80. Do you own a pair of handcuffs? 3
81. Do you ever wear a leather collar? 5
82. Can you do a cartwheel? 1
83. Can you climb a rope? 5
84. Can you jump rope? -1
85. Have you climbed a tree in the last 5 years? 5
86. For each album/CD you own by Alix Dobkyn, Holly
Near, k.d. lang, Melissa Ethridge, Ronnie
Gilbert, or Joan Armitrading: 1
87. For each day attending womyn's festivals in
the past 12 months: 1
88. Do you go bare-chested at womyn's festivals? 2
89. Do you own a vibrator? 1
90. Do you own a dildo (other than in #89)? 1
91. Do you use any sort of a harness device or strap-on? 5
92. When french-kissing your partner, are you usually
the giver more than the receiver? 5
93. When engaging in sex, do you prefer to be "on top"
more than any other position? 5
94. Are you a social worker or nurse? 1
95. Are you a mental health professional? 2
96. Are you a law enforcement officer or attorney? 3
97. Are you a postal service employee? 5
98. Are you considering entering your Hair Pie in
the next Pillsbury bake-off? 10
99. Are you practicing for the team just in case
Muff Diving becomes an Olympic event? 10
100. Can you screw in a lightbulb totally unassisted? 20
Scoring Results:
Below 0: Hopelessly Heterosexual
1 to 25: Bumbling Bi-Sexual
26 to 75: Faux Femme Fatale
76 to 125: Alluringly Androgynous
126 to 175: Brassy Butch
176 to 225: Decidedly Deisel
226 or above: Testing Transsexuality