Sunscreen Up Days
Hyacinths, full blown, from the Huz's flower bed.
I think it might be a good idea for me to choose
one small picture and background to use all week instead of switching them
up on a daily basis. It takes more time to capture the image, fling
my artistic inclinations onto it, and choose or create a little background
pixel than I care to spend on it. I'd rather spend the bulk of the
time writing. And I have one hour per day laid out for writing.
I haven't yet learned how to do nifty forms and scripts and things to make
it easier and faster for me to do this, so each time I make an entry, not
only am I actually writing, I am changing up the forward link on the previous
page and making modifications to the Warehouse page. At first it
seemed fun to also post the notes I scrawl during the day to spur my memory,
as kind of a teaser, but on the days I forgot to make any notes, it was
compelling to invent some just to be consistent. As I keep telling
people beginning new journals, once it becomes tedious and no longer works
for you, it's probably time to either simplify or stop. Though online
journals are meant to be shared, the person for whom this is done
should always be the journaler herself. Otherwise, it's not cathartic,
it's not helpful, and it's not authentic anymore. It becomes a show.
Sometimes I lose sight of that.
Sooooo, though I would love to do notes and daily
pics and stuff like that, I really gotta save time and hassle, and make
it easier to spill my head, and as need be, my guts, all over the net.
Today is a gorgeous day, warm and windy, perfect
for a car wash. I bowed out of a meeting today to participate in
this car wash, because of the cause. The spouse of a colleague of
the HuzBend recently had a stroke and lost ground steadily since then.
As one system after another was failing, and the patient was showing all
signs of being completely brain dead, life support was removed and he did
indeed die.
The better part of the battalion was out today either
washing the cars, bringing by their own cars for a wash, or just donating
money outright, for the family, who come from Guam. The weather cooperated
wonderfully, especially since this is a weekend before payday, when soldiers
are typically at their most frugal. The sun was persuasive enough
to make folks think, "Ah what the hell, it's the first fine weather in
a long time, let's blow some cash on this mudmobile." The receiving
line of hosers, washers, and driers got the groove down rather quickly,
and the sign-holders must have done their job well, too, for the line never
let up, not until well after lunch. The cars were moving ahead to
the next station in the process on average every three minutes, and for
the most part getting a damn thorough washing.
There were a few folks, though, who inspired me
to give this bit of advice: never go volunteer for a neighborhood car wash,
and make like you are actually washing the cars, if you have no intention
of bending over. Unless you specifically agreed to split areas of
responsibility with someone (I take the high part and you take the low
part), it does not reflect well on you or the bunch if the car is only
scrubbed down as far as the trim line. I saw a few cars go through
shiny and squeaky clean on their top halves and still grungy on their bottom
halves. Hey! That's the part of the car that gets dirtiest!
If you don't want to or can't bend over, go flip the hot dogs or watch
the kids or hold the sign or pilot the hose, but don't act like you are
washing, k?
I rotated between washing, sign holding, and kid
herding. Early on, washing and kid herding were one and the same.
I tapped that childly enthusiasm for doing what the grownups are doing
for all it was worth. My entire morning wash team was a crowd of
kids, so I got the roofs of the vehicles and coordinated the rest, and
they did really well, right down to the necessity of getting out of the
way so the car could pull forward; on my signal they bolted for the sidewalk,
buckets and sponges in hand. Except for a few reminders not to use
the tire brushes on the paint job, it went without a hitch. And you
can bet my non-bender-overs were not among this group.
I even remembered to bring sunscreen, as the first
bright day of the season usually catches me forgetful and blistered.
Woo hoo, not a red spot on me!
I feel like a doofus, stirring my coffee with a
pair of scissors, but all the spoons migrated downstairs for washing, and
the only other objects I have for stirring are ink pens, which for some
reason just doesn't make me feel right. The shears at least I can
wash off. No, I have no idea if coffee rusts scissors. Hmm
guess I coulda used that piece of coathanger I change channels with on
my freebie tv. Oh well.
The past two or three days have been "up" days.
Yeah, today went though a ruined spell before the car wash; the HuzBend
can take the thrill out of winning a million dollar lottery, I tell ya,
but he isn't around right now and I feel fine. According to the radio,
I suffer from depression and need to call a 1-800 number for help.
I have nearly all the symptoms they ticked off, and have entertained longing
thoughts of suicide as recently as this morning. I have a method,
though. I just wait, just put it off awhile, then eventually the
anger will come and the danger will go. How dare he do this to me,
to the point where I wanna check out??!! Course, that leaves
me more open to murder, but murder is a bit less likely than suicide, so
it really does reflect an improvement in the situation when the anger comes.
Know what? I didn't feel self-destructive
when I lived alone; I felt self-reliant.
Yes, I will go get help. I will go to therapy
of some kind. Right now I can't, too much transition. After
I move, I will.
link o' the day:
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