Fits and Starts
In case you haven't noticed, I have been uploading my journal entries in bursts of two or three at a time.  I am sorry, I know that's annoying, to go a few days on nothing and then BOOM there are a bunch to read at once.  I jsut get so damned busy, and I start an entry and don't finish it right off, and then the time has passed rather suddenly.  It seems like just last night I loaded the entries for the 19th and 20th, but it wasn't. 
    I spend most of my time playing catch-up.  Seems like everything is always a little behind.  Some things seem a lot behind.  You could say that means I have entirely too much on my plate, but I get the feeling that if, miraculously, most of my commitments and duties dropped off the planet, I'd establish some more.  I seem to thrive on the pace.  It's like when running on the run team years ago.  I was the slowest one in the "fast enough to be competitive" group, and needed the pressure of the other runners to keep my perfomance up.  Maybe I need that in all my life's aspects.  Not so much pressure from others. I hate that, but pressure from within, the urge to do better, be faster, be stronger, be smarter, I need that. 
    So maybe I need the feeling of being depended upon to stoke that fire, to rev that engine. 
    It just doesn't happen at a constant speed, or rather, the impetus keeps jumping between subjects, so that while I am all revved up over one thing, the others lag a bit.  I just had an image in my mind of a large space, like a basketball court, and a line of bowling balls.  I am herding the whole line of them to the other end, shoving one then shoving another, and of course, the ones not being shoved at that moment are slowing down. 
    I think I know some other people who do this too.  :)