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| My life is complex. Is yours? Most
everyone I know deals with a whole array of commitments, relationships,
dreams, and ideals. All the time. I know it's true of me, and
it makes my life complicated. Is it a bad thing? Hell, no.
Seems a simpler life would stagnate me, causing my brain and my soul to
atrophy. Sure, everybody looks at what they think is a simple life,
say the life of a peasant farmer or of a mounatin dweller or some such,
and they say wistfully, "Oh how I wish my life were as simple as that."
Do you really?
Yes there is a serenity in a simple task, one that frees the mind to roam while the body does whatever is at hand. There is the zenlike blankness of thought which brings great peace and calmness, and I can dig that, surely. But do ya want it every day? Being alert is being alive. But I have to have something to be alert at. Hmm that doesn't make sense. Without the proper stimulus, my mind can't stay sharp. The same surely must be true of the heart and soul. No I am not saying go stir up some trouble in your relationship to keep you sharp. But dealing with the little vibrations of imperfection is an exercise, really. If your mate doesn't approve of your friend, there is a tension there that really shouldn't be gotten rid of. Learning to deal with that, to help the lover and the friend deal with that, it's gotta be good for you. I dunno where I am going with this, it's just that I read "Hiatus" over at Zach's, and just don't feel like he gts it. He sees complication as a bad thing. Well, yeah they kind of are, but... When I first made friends with him, I was pissing and moaning about how complicated my life was. How stressful that was for me. It didn't hit me then that all that was good for me. And most of my stress really was coming out of my personal life at home. Once I got some hope on that front, handling the complications in the rest of my life got to be quite a bit less taxing. There are still five people in this world I love in an amorous way. Two are kind of distancing right now, stuff going on at home with them that needs lots of attention. And emotional space. One is someone I once mentioned was too busy for me anymore. We seem to be reforging those bonds, reestablishing contact, and that is soooo good to feel. One is someone I once said agreed to stop running if I agreed to stop chasing. Some time has passed since that agreement, and it is working so well. I don't pressure him, am secure with where I stand with him, feel his warmth and see that he feels mine, too. So satisfying. And then there is my love about whom I can say, I'd love to live with this guy. This is a major thing for me, to be willing to share space with anyone. Especially after the last few years. But I love him deeply, and really do wanna wake up every morning looking at his face. Don't worry, we'll take it slow. One step at a time. |