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Hamburger gravy is good the second day. Oh sure, you gotta add
more milk, cuz it kinda gets thick, but the pepper has had a chance to
really seep in by the second day. The only drawback is when somebody
<stern look towards the bedroom> throws out the biscuits. No,
speakers of British English, not cookies, but breadlike objects that are
flaky and crumbly. I had no biscuits to eat with my gravy.
Bread will do, in a pinch, but gravy was born to be married to biscuits.
Ah, well, can't have it all. Or can you? I have seen opportunities come and go, paths untraveled, some that I have traveled that turned out to lead to nothing of significance. I have had some, and that some was good. I have had some sunshine and some joy and some times of plenty and some chances to help others. Now, can I have it all? I don't mean that every day needs to be heaven. I just mean, to live a stable life, my children and I, with everything that's needed and even a little of what's wanted. And to have my self-respect. The peace of knowing I did the right thing. That I didn't sell my soul or harm another. I had the chance recently to take advantage of someone who had means to help me in these hard times, to snare him when he was at a vulnerable point himself. I meant to seduce him to take from him whatever I could get away with without destroying him. And you thought I was so good. Well, I didn't do it. I decided not to, and to just keep to myself the fact that I had ever intended it. When he praised me for being sucha good friend in a time of crisis, I couldn't bear the deception any longer, and told him what my intentions had been. He was shocked, and maybe hurt, I think. But he valued our friendship more for the honesty. I felt like a shit, undeserving of such a friend. He is helping me, he is vountarily giving me probably more than I might have had the guts to take. I am (hopefully) helping him through a difficult time, but it can't be an equal gift. I am giving him a shoulder to cry on, and he is giving me Hope. Not just hope but a way to fulfil the hope. Know what else he is giving me? His mind, his feelings, his hurts, his wisdom, his knowledge, his drive, his confidence. The stuff he is made of. All that and more. There is beauty in there that I hadn't expected. There is strength there I hadn't counted on. There is benevolence there that is beyond any modern expectation. Far beyond. God help me not screw this up. |