Other Space
 
The crisp autumn day was perfect for archery, the breeze just slight enough for a challenge, but not one too tough for something of a beginner.  Some of the arrows were actually hitting the target; I felt an inordinate sense of accomplishment in that.
    Off to my right a purple door appeared and he stepped through it, looking exhausted.  I could tell it had been another long day for him.  All the mommy and the lover in me ached to see him so weary.  I smiled at him and let another arrow fly.  THWANG!!!
    "Can't stay long. I need to take a couple movies back to Blockbuster. Then I guess it's off to sleep for me. Sorry about the last several days. I'll never be able to make it up to you. I will endeavour to try, but I won't know where to start. I love you."  He looked so apologetic.
    "Hey they have been hard days, I can understand that. But do read Rain's journal entry ok?"
    "The one about her husband's teeth?"
    "Yeah."  I smiled with mischief.  "You wanna get taught, there ya go."
    I could tell he had read the entry already, because I saw him looking thoughtful, remembering it, searching for how it applied to him.  Slowly he said, "I can't change my wife. That's why I let her go. She came back and we've both learned from it, but I had to change myself. My attitude towards her. Lisa and I were discussing this earlier today. I have already learned this lesson. Predominantly where I believe I went wrong was in terms of showing affection for her. Reminding her that I love her. I wasn't listening to my emotions. That is another lesson I've had to learn."
    "It's not about you changing her, love."
    "You mean I should be more obvious in why you want me to read it?  Perhaps you want me to get my teeth fixed?"
    I laughed and let the bowstring go with another THWANG!!!  "No, not at all, it is about people trying to change people, though."
    He seemed frustrated now.  "That's what I was talking about. My first instinct when Lisa said she wanted a divorce was that I needed to change her. Then I thought it was all my fault and needed to change myself. When I let go of the blame and just let it happen, things eventually fell together. Lisa doesn't want the divorce anymore because through the journal she feels I've opened up and become more desirable. That I'm more in touch with my emotions. I changed myself but not by force. The journal was a creative outlet but towards the end I realized it's been one long scream of pain. I saw Planet of the Apes today. Lisa suggested it because she likes the movie, but I found something more out of it. Arrogance. Pure arrogance on the part of Heston's character. That he thought he was above his own kind but he wasn't, any more than the apes were. Rather humbling."
    I notched another arrow.  "You dont get the feeling anyone is trying to change you?"  THWANG!!!
    "Well if you were shooting arrows at me I could see that as trying to change my epidermis into something a bit more porous."  His grin was infectious.
    "Hehehe, no, dear, just getting a little archery practice in.  It's a major miracle when I hit the target, very life-affirming.  You really sense no pressure?"  THWANG!!!
    "Are you insinuating that Lisa is trying to change me still?"
    "What do you think?"  I began to collect all the arrows that never made it to the target.  The ones that did make it I just left there as encouragement for their fellows.
    "I think she's not trying to change me any more than I'm probably still trying to change her. What I have learned is that I don't want just someone to have sex with.  I want teachers. I've always believed I can learn more from women than most men seem to want to admit."
    I raised my bow again and looked pointedly at him from the corner of my eye.  "Is it really teaching when there is an assumption that there is something inherently wrong with you?"  THWANG!!!
    "I think being arrogant and not having tabs on my emotions are two relatively wrong things about anyone who is like that, wouldn't you agree?"
    A burst of frustration surged through me and I whacked him on the head with an arrow shaft.  "If you find something you don't like about your character, that's for you to decide isn't it? Thats for you to work on.  If she finds a flaw in you, that's another thing.  Just who suggested she teach you?"   I notched and let fly again.
    "I did. When I married her."  I rolled my eyes, but he went on.  "Just like you're here to teach me. And I'm here to teach you. I use reality very narcissistically. It's a mirror to my self. Lisa didn't come out and say, 'Change these things or I'm leaving.' She just left. I have to learn from my environment; my surroundings. What is it telling me about myself? Do I like what it says? Can I improve the view?"
    I got the distinct feeling I wasn't getting anywhere.  I began to pack my bow up into its leather case.  "And you don't think she is now saying 'Change these things or I won't stay?'"
    "She is unhappy where she is now. My desire has always been to make her happy. If I didn't think these changes could improve me, I wouldn't try. I don't even know if I can change. Maybe I'm supposed to be an arrogant insufferable boor who appeals to women on a surface level but disgusts them when they get under the skin. Maybe I want that. Maybe I want to be miserable and alone all my life. Maybe I should work on that? PSHAW!"
    I spun round and whacked him across the back with the pliant case.  I was getting pissed now.  "UGH!!!  The only thing wrong with you is your self-esteem!"
    "Live with me for four years and then tell me that."  I had no idea at all what to say to that.  In a flash, about a thousand wishes and what-ifs hit me and washed over me and ran off into the distance, leaving me stunned.  I turned and opened the back of the Tracker, mechanically sutffing the things into it.  When I regained my voice, I said, "The question is still relevant.  Are you changing to make her happy? Or are you changing because you need to, for you?"
    "I'm attempting to change for a selfish reason. Finding happiness inside her finds happiness in me. If I discovered Lisa to be an alcoholic, I would attempt to change her for her sake. Not just for mine. Because I believed she would be a better person from the change. And if she chose booze over me, eventually I'd find no happiness in the relationship and I would leave. I don't see how this is any different."
    "If you tried to change her for her sake, you would fail.  Ask any spouse of an alcoholic. You are right, it is no different."  I opened the driver's side door and slid into the seat.  He climbed into the passenger seat and asked, "Where we going?"  I hadn't even decided yet if I wanted him along.  I needed to think.
    "Hang on a sec."
    "'Sokay I'll just sit in here and look in the glove compartment...Map...squeegee...Oooh condoms...ice scraper..."
    I sighed, "I have no idea, but you better get your seat belt on."  I cranked up the Tracker and we hit the road.

Part Two