Uneasy Silence  See, there's this guy.      Yeah, yeah hold yer horses.  This guy I've known for awhile, and our relationship has run the whole gamut from opponents to colleagues to friends to lovers to exes and whatever comes in between.  Right now we're not speaking, and I don't like it.      I got pissed off at him cuz I felt like he'd been using me, and finally told him so.  I'd kept mum for awhile cuz I knew what reaction he'd have, and was right.  He cut me off.  Again.  He decided he didn't deserve my love and that he'd remove himself from my life.  How can someone be so arrogant and self-debasing at the same time?  I was so weary that I agreed to honor his wishes this time, and just leave him alone.  I don't email.  I don't phone.  I don't ICQ, except for an exclamation of surprise to see him online the night of the tussin, and the apology the next day.      Well, I regret that.  How I would love to break my word and send words of comfort when I read that he is depressed or angry or confused.  God damn it, I want him in my life, I need him, in whatever capacity.  Can't I be his friend?  I make a pretty good friend, from what I hear.  God knows I try.      We went through such a lot of ups and downs in such a short time, there's a bond there that I can't break so easily.  I'm just as notorious a bridge-burner as he is, but this one just won't go down.      So, I keep an eye out for him as best I can, mostly by reading his journal.  He hasn't posted to Mindspace since just after I posted there, as far as I can tell.  It's paranoid, but easy to assume that he doesn't post there because he knows I go there.      Anyway, I love you, star dancer.  Miss you dreadfully.  -- Spring