I’m facing a diagnosis. Or the ruling out of one. My doctor is working with a geneticist to arrange for a blood test that will tell me if I have Hermansky-Pudlak Syndrome.

I’ve had all the symptoms all my life, and I’m albinoid. Found that out a couple of months ago. That reminds me, I owe my mom a printout of all that stuff, including my eyeball scans. She’s always thought my vision problems were the result of a forceps delivery. It may do her good to see conclusive proof that they’re nothing of the kind.

Ray of hope: my symptoms have all become milder as I’ve aged. Maybe my symptoms really are a grab bag of multiple ailments and not a syndrome.

Another ray of hope: if I do have HPS, there’s a population in Switzerland who have it and yet also have a normal life expectancy. If I’ve got that kind, maybe I won’t die before the decade is over.

While the shoe is dangling, I’m thinking a lot about what I’m doing with my life and whether it’s worth spending so much time on. I’m not fulfilled in my day job, no big surprise there. There are millions of ways to change my life, including my livelihood, and I’ve been contemplating these for as long as I can remember. But there are so many, I don’t know what horse to bet on. I have about two dozen ideas, maybe half a dozen of which are possibly viable within a year or two. Which is the best? Which will take care of my family’s physical needs soonest while providing for my need for a productive mission in life?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.