I am trying to sleep.  I'm so tired I can barely move.  My eyes won't stay completely closed or totally open, and through my half lids I look up at the fluorescent light bulbs and want to rip them from their sockets and break them in half.  I can't sleep, I can't fully catch my breath, not quite panting but not inhaling deeply and calmly either.
    
I want to die.  I want to fall on my knife and feel that pain and just die.
    
But I have responsibilities, too.