Weekends are a mixed blessing.  The big crush to find work eases off a little.  I can do homework on my target companies and sift the net and work on my resumes and hit the library, etc., but it's at a slower pace, not electrified by the knowledge that I only have the hours of a standard work day in which to operate.
    And I can rest a little.  I build up a huge balloon of exhaustion during the week, and oh how I need the rest.  But when my mind turns from the chase, there is one thing waiting for me, haunting me, getting between me and a good hard sleep.
    I don't sleep well anymore, not without the sound of snoring, not without being held.  Some days, for several days at a time, I can comfort myself to sleep with warm and happy memories, and it works.  But the past few days, my thoughts wander over to where I could have gone wrong, to what happened, and is it anybody's fault, is it my fault, should I be angry, am I regretful, and how did I get here?
    
    I've written and rewritten the rest of this entry several times now.  I want to put down what's in my head and it is just coming out confused and selfish and soap opera like.
    
    Oh, screw it.