In High Gear

I have a gyn appointment tomorrow.

I shudder to think what kinds of April Fools pranks they tend to get.

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Ministry

_anamchara_ — Count me in
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Recovery

squeaky19 — Count me out

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Sex

finngualadagimp — Count me out

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nevesis — Count me in
purplebard — Count me in
rhonan — Count me in
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squeaky19 — Count me in
stronae — Count me in
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*facepalm* My denomination sucks.

Okay, I got ordained by the ULC a long time ago. Back then it was a little quacky but basically sound in principle. I just now had a look at the site, and they’re an awfully lot cheesier and scam-flavored now. I was more or less fine until I got to Degrees and Courses.

It’s kind of embarrassing.

Look, I feel ridiculous most of the time, when it comes to this facet of my life, because, frankly, we have social norms and expectations, and I’m way behind. The past eight years haven’t been entirely wasted, but I haven’t made the progress on the educational and social side that are called for to do my part fully. And what’s been holding me up?

Lots of things that I let get in the way, but the stupidest one is fear of being ridiculous. The last UU congregation I belonged to, I never even mentioned to the minister anything about my calling, for fear of being ridiculous. I haven’t spoken with a member of UU clergy on this topic in over six years. I’m embarrassed! I’m embarrassed about having sat on my ass. I’m embarrassed about my GI Bill running out while I sat on my ass. I’m embarrassed about trying to fulfill my duties without the lovely ticket punches that mean respectability in the eyes of the community.

I’m trying to do something about it, though, and discomfort be damned. I have to let being follow doing, so if I do it, I can be it. It’s uncomfortable as hell, but that’s how I became a webmaster. It’s how I become a tech support rep. It’s how I became a manager. And if the discomfort prods me to more action on the education front, that’s fantastic.

Bonus item #1 – I’m doing a wedding in May. Yah. Heavy.

Bonus item #2 – What Buddhist monks and nuns wear.

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In a recovery chat one time, someone gave me three handy tips for deciding whether to say something or not. This last month it has been REALLY handy.

1. Does it need to be said?

Some things are obvious. Some things are common knowledge. Some things are best left alone. Really, does the item in question deserve talking about?

2. Does it need to be said by me?

Am I really the right person to be bringing this up? Will the nature of my relationship with whoever cloud the issue? Is there someone else with whom the other person might better identify, who might be heard?

3. Does it need to be said by me right now?

Is there an emergency going on? Are we in front of people who shouldn’t know? Is this a special occasion? Can it wait for a calm moment?

Sometimes I’m confronted with things that tweak my illness, and it’s like wrestling a steer to fight my old, useless conditioned reflexes. For instance, someone on my f-list posted a question about what’s not likable about them in an open poll. It seems to be an honest question, and I know they can take the answer. But should I post it? All my little buttons are pushed.

But they asked!

But I have a good answer!

But nobody else is saying!

But they’re intelligent! They’ll appreciate my answer!

But I really like them and I want to help!

But but but! But it’s also a wide-open poll, and the person in question is deeply embedded in a high-drama social circle, and the fact that it’s a wide-open poll about an emotionally charged issue tells me that some drama farming may be going on. My oh-so-valuable input 1) is almost certainly something they already know, 2) is something better left said by someone close to them and completely trusted, and 3) is not immediate in any way.

I am not obligated to answer. I’m not responsible for them and their self-knowledge. If they’d asked me, face-to-face, in private, maybe the answers would be different. And then, maybe not. That’s not the situation here, and I’m not obligated to answer.

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Time for a little filter maintenance:

Ministry – I’m an interfaith, non-denominational ULC minister now, and aspiring to be a Unitairan Universalist minister eventually. This filter is for stuff about my calling, education, spiritual development, etc. Example post.

Recovery – I’m an Al-Anon member and interested in 12-step recovery programs in general. This filter is for that stuff. Example post.

Sex – Not very aptly named, this filter is not as much about my sex life as it is about things related to sex, pr0n, erotica and such. It would have things about my sex life in it if I had much of a sex life, though. Example post.

If you can see any of the above example posts, you are already on the specified filter.

Of course, it’s ultimately up to me whom I feel comfortable having in the various filters, but I also don’t want to have someone in who’s uncomfortable being there. So if you have a preference, I’d like to know, pretty please.

Please expound on any “Other” in comments, which are screened. Thanks!

[Poll now closed. Comments are still screened, so if you have a preference, please comment with "Count me in" or "Count me out" per your preferences. Thanks!]

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