In High Gear

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The Peach Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMf) Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach. For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you’re surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don’t get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it. Your exact opposite: The Nymph Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you’re becoming more selective about long-term love. It’s getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who’s in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him. Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense. DREAD: The False Messiah CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: springdew1

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Now I wish I had tagged all those damned quizzes.

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Mayhem at the mall.

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January is nearly upon us, meaning that the rebound safety period will be over. During the past months, I’ve been thinking about what’s missing from my life in the way of relationships, what I crave, what aspects of the last one satisfied me utterly - what aspects didn’t made themselves rather obvious.

The primary thing seems to be passion. Other than the Center of the Universe, I haven’t really had any in a long time. There’s some, within the marriage, a little, but it’s not the same.

I really do feel the need for a lover. I want to be involved with someone I’m not responsible for. I badly need to be involved with someone who’s a stronger person than I am. I need a feeling of danger, a thrill of fear. I want someone not afraid to strike me, especially if I ask for it, but I need someone who will defend me, and who doesn’t really want or need me to protect them. I need someone savage. Game, but not too compliant.

I need someone who will top me. I need someone who will challenge me in other ways, who’ll prod me to reach beyond myself. I want someone who is bisexual. I want someone who’s okay to play with gender and orientation.

When I was still involved with the Center of the Universe, and had mentioned the involvement to a friend, the friend told me I was crazy. I asked why, and the answer was, “Because he’s crazy.” It’s easy to see now that I should have heeded the warning, but see, there’s a problem. Some kinds of crazy I like a lot. Eccentricity, spontaneity, the tendency to say really bizarre things, wildly variant worldviews, hyperactivity, giddiness - things like this can really turn me on without making me nuts as well, depending on the manner of manifestation. I’m a passionate Tom Baker era Doctor Who fan. That should tell you something.

The kind of crazy that makes me run screaming is delusional, paranoid, narcissistic, that sort of thing. People are going to disagree on what’s fun-crazy and what’s scary-crazy (some people are terrified of embarrassment, and being in public with a bizarre person can result in same, for instance), and that’s why I used to set aside people’s assertions about craziness.

Not anymore. I don’t want to put my coochie on The Crazy ever again.

Well, anyway, January is coming and I don’t know if I want to date, or to try to date, or whatever. Randomly bumping into people isn’t being very lucky for me. Sadly, coworker-dom is a very strong attractor, but I’m getting to a place in my career where dating coworkers is a lot more trouble than it’s worth. And can you have passion without bullshit? Sparks and fire without insanity? If I do want to meet people, well, what then? Dating sites? Friend fix-ups? If I weren’t going through custody things just now, I might meet someone via the shibari group.

That’s another consideration. Maybe I shouldn’t try to meet anyone until after custody is settled. Le sigh.

“Whereas you and me, we’re not cozy at all. We’d be amazing, and that scares the shit out of you.”
Torchwood, Countrycide

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