In High Gear

LJ: how are you?
springdew: more or less okay. [boyfriend] and i are “taking a break” or “on hiatus” or “suspended” or whatever you want to call it. non-relationship with option to renew
springdew: it became obvious that [boyfriend] was unconsciously sabotaging the relationship. he said he wants to get into therapy anyway, so i asked him to get on it, and meanwhile, we’ll wait
springdew: we did pretty much fine last night until we were getting ready for bed and he got strange
springdew: first i was telling him how saturday went, and I started “i was in a -really- bitchy mood” and he said “what? you? bitchy? nooooo waaaay.” you know, the ironic way you poke fun at somebody who is so obviously a certain way
springdew: like if you said “that’d be as odd as spring with purple hair” and someone went “spring? purple hair? noooo waaaa.”
springdew: of course i’m known to have purple hair
springdew: so what he was saying insinuated that it’s not odd for me to be bitchy
springdew: so when he said that, i said that i seldom feel bitchy. he said he knows that, it was just a joke
springdew: then i was trying to tell him how things are going with [ex], and i said he’d been phoning more and hanging out with us more, and he took over the conversation and started telling me that he knows all about what [ex] wants. he did that twice in a row, so i said, “well just hang on mr. knows everything, and let me finish what i’m saying”
springdew: he got into a huff and went into the other room
springdew: oh wait, that’s not when he went into the huff
springdew: so i finished what i was saying and then i asked, “does that match what you figured?”
springdew: and that’s when he went off in a huff
springdew: when he came back he said i was being snarky and trying to bait him into a fight
springdew: then i burst into tears because a fight is the last thing in the world i want. then i tried to dry up the tears quickly and make conversation because being upset is emotional blackmail
springdew: and he suggested that maybe we just aren’t compatible
springdew: long talk ensued, the crux of which was that we’d try to carry on with no expectations.
springdew: i slept, woke up, took a shower, and realized
springdew: if i were going to try and stop a relationship in its tracks without it being my fault, i’d do exactly what he did
springdew: and all the crazy shit from the last few months that’s kept me totally confused suddenly made sense
springdew: so i woke him up and told him that, and proposed what i mentioned to you just now about therapy and a break.
springdew: i still want to do something on mondays, but not spend the night
springdew: maybe a movie or some world of warcraft or something
springdew: but that’s it. no more scheduling hoops. no more trying to balance relationships
LJ: *nodding*
world of warcraft *blinks* i thought you didn’t like online rpg?
*g*
springdew: i don’t
LJ: ahhhh
it’s an interest your willing to endure to spend time together?
springdew: sometimes i do things i don’t like for people i care about
springdew: yeah
springdew: a little time. not much. just kind of keeping the door open

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