In High Gear

d3mons33d LJ: so what will your hours be now
d3mons33d LJ: ?
springdew LJ: 10 AM to 9PM
springdew LJ: that will kind of suck
d3mons33d LJ: what days
springdew LJ: oh. duh. Mon thru Thu
springdew LJ: at first that part looks good
springdew LJ: get the weekend
springdew LJ: get to go out
springdew LJ: but that puts me in direct competition with everyone and everything else in my boyfriend’s life
springdew LJ: and that completely utterly totally sucks
d3mons33d LJ: oh, that’s actually a really good shift
springdew LJ: yeah, except for that one thing
d3mons33d LJ: true
springdew LJ: i saw him thursday night. i won’t get to see him again until tuesday
d3mons33d LJ: damn y0
springdew LJ: then maybe i’ll get to see him thursday, but then he’s off to orlando and it’s the following tuesday …
springdew LJ: and tuesday and thursday are work nights, so that means i don’t see him until like 9:30 or 10
d3mons33d LJ: jeez
d3mons33d LJ: i mean geez
d3mons33d LJ: i ghuess it works both ways
springdew LJ: i won’t get a real day with him for like two weeks
springdew LJ: well, the good side is i get to see him, however briefly, at fighter practice tomorrow. and i get to see him at work, whenever he comes in
springdew LJ: and now i’m on days i can see more of him, not just afternoons
springdew LJ: it’s not quite the same. no smoochies, but it’s something at least

The context changes. In the first part, “see” means “spend meaningful time with” - i.e. what people mean when they use “seeing” as a euphemism for “dating”. Further down, “see” means “encounter”. A third usage that doesn’t come into play above is “spend exclusive time with”.

I am reminded occasionally that context is important. It’s true. The boyfriend and I have been trying to iron out scheduling and planning, and meeting with some success, but there’s still blips. There are going to be blips. I can’t let it make me unhappy, because scheduling woes are part and parcel of the whole poly package. You can minimize, but you can’t always eradicate.

Anyway, the context - one of the aspects we were discussing was the matter of needs. Do I need to see him, say arbitrarily, three times a week? And what kind of “see”? Do I really only need one night of exclusive time, and can do just fine with two group outings or similar? How about one or two short nights (after work) of exclusive time, if I can encounter him in situations where there can be no show of affection at all but do it all throughout the week? Would a short night suffice in the place of a weekend night?

We didn’t get it untangled and we’re not going to, until we get some field trial. I can’t know how I’m going to feel until we get there, and I’m sure that’s true of him, too. And even so, what can we do? There’s more loved ones’ feelings to consider than just each other’s and our own.

I’m not pissing and moaning. I’m not resentful. I sure as hell am not blaming anybody. It’s an adjustment, and we all of us, every single one, are going through an adjustment right now that is easy for no one.

Hey, if poly was easy, everybody would do it, right?

Comments Off

So, I awoke after three hours of sleep in a cold sweat and feeling like ants were crawling about under my skin. Due to extreme distraction in my personal life since December or so (actually more like since the last round of Let’s Fight Depression, but more intensely the last few months) certain key happenings slipped under my radar. For instance, the property taxes I thought I paid in January weren’t paid after all. In the gigantic snail-mail backlog was a notice that I was delinquent, along with a similar notice from my mortgage company saying I’m about to be in hella trouble on account of the taxes.

In that same snowball of mail was a notification that our homeschool evaluations would be due 30 April, rather than the 15 June it has been in previous years. Dude, I opened that envelope yesterday. And I couldn’t reach our evaluator. The phone number no longer works. Screwing this up could result in my kids being forcibly ensconced in public school.

Plus, being overwhelmed with income tax things, I’d filed an extension, or thought I did. The postal service returned the mail to me. Usually they rubber stamp the reason for return on returned mail, but this time they didn’t. I can only assume they didn’t like the address the IRS gave for sending these things in, which consists of IRS, city, state, and 9-digit zip. The 9-digit zip should have done the trick. So, trouble from the IRS now.

The insurance wouldn’t cover the IUD, but I needed a lot of info about the doctor’s office to place an out-of-pocket order.

I needed to get back with Child Protective Services about how the kid’s follow-up doctor’s appointment went, post-magnet-swallowing.

So, that’s what’s been at me. I took a deep breath, grabbed scratch paper, and picked up the phone.

I have an H&R Block appointment at 9AM tomorrow. It shouldn’t take too long since I didn’t try to run a business last year, so I should be done in time to help out at felisdemens‘ home improvement shindig before work.

I’ll pay the fee to get the refund PDQ. I withold at 0 with “higher single rate”, and we bought a house last year and paid a metric buttload of interest, but I don’t know what kind of penalty there might be for late filing. I’m bringing the rejected mail with me.

With the refund, I pay property taxes next week, which gets me out of trouble with local authorities and the mortgage people.

The Home Education people granted me an extension and referred me to an evaluator, with whom we have a Friday appointment.

I left a message for the Child Protective Services caseworker with the resolution of the appointment, my phone number, and the doctor’s phone number.

I got the details about the GYN so I can order the IUD. Fortunately there’s a payment plan.

Additionally, I got the contact information for a job that just might be the thing for wlofie.

Still left to do:

Finish prepping for the evaluation.

Order the IUD.

Check on when I owe money for homeowners insurance.

Redo the budget.

Work with the mortgage people on loan consolidation and home improvement lending for replacing the windows and redoing the roof.

Orthodontic appointments for children.

Regular dental appointments for everybody.

Routine vet stuff for cats.

Find out who to pay how much for the kid’s hospital visit. West Boca extorted $100 out of me, although all $500 of the copay should have gone to Bethesda. So I owe $400, or I owe $500 but am due a $100 refund, or something.

Get wlofie to the DMV to renew his learner’s permit.

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s a start. At least the Really Big Scary Things are under control, and that’s why I’m feeling so skippity dippity now. So, what had me so distracted all this time?

Hurricanes.

Depression. Fighting depression, first with Paxil and then with Effexor. Giving up on medication for the time being.

Revival of libido post-drugs.

INS issues for husband.

The Object of My Affliction.

Relationship woes with friend++.

Writing a novel in 30 days. In retrospect, that was kind of crazy.

Rumbles from ex concerning possible impending custody war.

Kid eats magnets. Bad times ensue.

New boyfriend.

Very hard times for boyfriend’s born family.

Boyfriend traveling a lot.

New job for husband. Five weeks of massive stress from new job. More weeks of massive dejection when job turns out to be a bad fit.

Pregnancy scare.

Intestinal unhappiness.

Many weeks of stress from being unable to talk about boyfriend in all but very most private venues.

NRE + NRO (”O” is for “ouch” - relationship growing pains).

Very hard times for boyfriend’s chosen family.

Husband’s new romantic interest.

Total rescheduling of job, husbands, boyfriend, life.

Insistent plague of bad timing, involving everything from dinner dates to menstrual cycles to concerts.

Complete lack of privacy or personal space or me time.

I feel like I’m forgetting something. It’s been a whole lot of stuff at once for awhile there. Most of the items on the list have been overlapping. But I feel so much better for having struck a major blow today, and for having recently gotten promoted. The new schedule has been causing me the jibblies, since it’s trickier arranging boyfriend time, but I think we are getting a good rough outline that leaves him well available for his partner, who is important to me too. spc476’s romantic interest is totally da bomb. She rocks both our socks off, just in very different ways. I want to be sure that they also are getting worthwhile time together, and that all the relationships don’t clash in ways that leave wlofie in a weird place. It’s looking up.

Solutions and resolutions are occurring, and that’s a megaton of wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Comments(5)

Great. Lovely. I feel an outbreak coming on and my medication is left behind elsewhere. So is all my jewelry. And I don’t feel at all at liberty to call about it. Fuck fuck fuckles fuck.

Well, I wasn’t always on medication and I somehow survived. It just really sucks.

Comments Off

… it’s the sex filter!

Have a delightfully sweet music video:

www.goodiebag.tv/video/do_you_take_it.htm

Yes, I am confusing myself lately with respect to what to put in the sex filter and what to put unfiltered. There were a couple poly posts and that one with the pictures from the porn star’s LJ that didn’t go into the filter. I’m still feeling out what I feel okay to post in the clear and what not. I question -all- that stuff now.

Anyway, enjoy.

Comments(4)

So I’m thumbing through various references in BDSM, as I sometimes do, and it occurs to me that while I encounter things to do with breath play from time to time, I don’t recall ever reading anything at all about impeding circulation to someone’s head.

Which is kind of odd, because I’ve been on the receiving end of it several times in the dimming and diminishing past, having my throat squeezed in such a way as to slow the flow of blood but not breath. It’s been rather delightful on the edge of orgasm, and it hasn’t gone amiss during foreplay either. But I never hear about it.

Why is that?

Comments(1)