I’ve been keeping from saying anything, because I don’t want it to be a big issue, but I’ve got virginity on the brain lately. A friend related a story whereby the subject of their own virginity came up. Another person, upon hearing this, took a swift and overwhelming interest in the friend, to that friend’s utter horror. I think it was the sudden change in behavior that did it.
Now, I am powerfully attracted to this friend, and have been before hearing this news. My reaction, sadly, is 180 degrees different. I’m not less attracted, not by a long shot, but all kinds of flags are flapping and warning lights flashing and klaxxons howling.
I don’t want to be the person whose behavior suddenly drastically changes over one piece of information that really has nothing to do with the character of the friend.
Maybe I take it too seriously, but I see the gentle treatment of virgins as a sober responsibility, even if not at all planning to have sex. The sexual/romantic/amorous territory is entirely unmapped. You have no idea how these things intertwine in the person.
Okay, you can argue that you don’t know that anyway about anybody, but my own experience has been that the more experienced the other person, the better an idea they have about how sex, romance, and love interrelate for them. I dunno - give me a nice well-established perv any day, and I can usually see where they are coming from and where they are likely to go.
I really don’t wanna hurt nobody. My tasty friend is undeniably tasty, but what do I have to offer, be it attraction, lust, friendship, whatever? My family is pretty well stuffed at the moment. I won’t say that adding another is impossible, but it’d be pretty damn stupid at this point. I can offer love if love comes; there are other people who are not in my family whom I love, one gracefully, one terribly awkwardly, and a few at comfortably long distances. My libido is a sore point to me, and likely to anybody at its mercy. It’s picked up a lot in recent weeks, but even so, is it fair to hope for yet ANOTHER person to wait around for the proper alignment of the planets?
Aside: how must it feel to be part of that herd? It’s got to be awful, knowing that as good a time as you’re having, everybody else is having it in that narrow space of days. How can you possibly feel like a great lover in that context? How can you avoid wondering if you’re no good? I can praise my lovers forever, but how will they know it’s true, given the circumstances? I’m too fortunate, and what I do is too cruel.
So then, add a virgin to this, for whom attraction may be love. Sex may be love. Hell, attraction may be sex, how can I know?
Well, I can know by bringing it up and discussing it. And that brings me back to the beginning. Does that make me the person who is obsessing over my friend’s virginity? Well, actually, I am, apparently, but does that make me bad?
I want to have this communication. I want to know that my lingering hugs are joy only, and won’t bring pain. If my guard slips a bit and a hot, hungry look gets past, would it change everything? Would that be bad?
I’ve just realized I’m doing it - it’s the “thritysomething” trap. I refer to the TV show, where people are angsting over stuff that may or may not even be happening, getting dramatic and doing foolish things over their lack of ability to read each others’ minds.
This is ridiculous. Okay, we talk. One way or another, we talk.
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wlofie told me that in Sweden, a topical antimicrobian ointment is commonly used to prevent infection. I’ve never heard of such a thing here, but that’s not a first - it’s astonishing what a barrier a border is to medical knowledge, which completely defies logic, but I digress.
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