In High Gear

My Mother’s Day was mostly nice. Breakfast of pork chops, Hungry Jack biscuits, and chocolate milk. Let the kids bake chocolate chip cookies. Watched Beyond Rangoon, The Substitute Wife, and Steel Magnolias. Got very little sleep but lots of cuddles. Got charming handmade kid-type gifties. Drew a self portrait. Forgot to phone my mom. Or anybody else for that matter.

Ended on a sad note, though. I’ve been crying most of the shift. Frightening the coworkers.

It’s hard being willing to do anything and realizing that the people I’d do anything for don’t have the same level of commitment. Some things are just too hard for other people. Sometimes they seem to be things that look laughably simple to me, but I’m plainly not getting the whole picture.

My overall feeling of Doing Everything is deepening. It’s not completely accurate – people do things for me, for the family. Some. A little.

Why is it I can’t inspire the kind of devotion that I feel? And why isn’t it enough just to give? My husbands don’t beat me. They love me and nurture me. They let me charge along, making plans and doing what I determine needs doing. They’re not bad. They’re very good.

Isn’t that enough?

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