Fallible
One of the things I hated most about living with William was his fragile ego, and his childish protection of it. Because of his mindset, there was never any such thing as a misunderstanding. There was never a way for a thing to go wrong, for an error or accident to occur. Always, always, someone had to be Wrong. They had to be either Evil or Stupid.
Therefore, any time there was bad news, he panicked and scrambled to prove that whoever else involved was The Wrong One. Otherwise, it might turn out to be himself, and he couldn’t bear it.
I can’t live like that.
I’m fallible. I’m often wrong. I make stupid errors. But I also know that mistakes happen. Things get messed up. Sometimes it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes it’s everybody’s fault.
Sometimes it’s somebody else’s fault. I’m forgiving most of the time, because I know how it feels to make a stupid error. It’s self-punishing.
But it does hurt when a person won’t even meet me in the middle, won’t share the responsibility, won’t even acknowledge that it might just be a blameless misunderstanding. Or acknowledge my pain.
It hurts more to think that I’m not even worth trying for. I am of so little importance, that there is no point in communicating that there’s a problem or misunderstanding.
I once read, of a doomed couple, “Her love for you will never outweigh her hatred for herself.” I don’t want that to be the case here.
I had to take a little nap before I was good to drive home. Too tired.
Comments(2)
“I’m fallible. I’m often wrong. I make stupid errors. But I also know that mistakes happen. Things get messed up. Sometimes it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes it’s everybody’s fault.
Sometimes it’s somebody else’s fault. I’m forgiving most of the time, because I know how it feels to make a stupid error. It’s self-punishing.
But it does hurt when a person won’t even meet me in the middle, won’t share the responsibility, won’t even acknowledge that it might just be a blameless misunderstanding. Or acknowledge my pain.”
I identify with this….ALOT. Especially right now…But I think you may have missed one little part….
“won’t even acknowledge that it might just be a blameless misunderstanding. Or acknowledge my pain.” in the same way that they expect thier own pain to be acknowledged….
At least, it holds true in my life….but damn, Spring….this post hit a little close to home right now.
but damn, Spring….this post hit a little close to home right now.
*hugs* Oh, man, I’m sorry. This is a hard place to be in, and I don’t like to see you in it.
“Or acknowledge my pain.” in the same way that they expect thier own pain to be acknowledged….
You’re right. That’s just it. By default, I always acknowledge others’ pain, and I guess that’s come to be expected. That’s part of what rankles sometimes because I expect the same.
I wonder sometimes if I’m becoming an enabler or a co-dependent or whatever it is. Do I enslave people to depend on me? I don’t know.