 |
16 June 1999 |
| Allen Tottavich
I miss you, Allen Tottavich. I'm just going through some old emails, from before I left The Huz, and thereafter. Our friendship was warm, and I miss that. I did name my journal "Flight," in part, anyway. It's rather late-ish and I'm pretty tired. Yesterday's surgery was more exhausting for the anesthesia than for the procedure. I still feel very strange in the head, and even wonder if that has to do with the lingering effects of being put to sleep or maybe with that bigass bubble I saw sliding down the IV tube. I mean, if I had brain damage somewhere because of it, would I know it? There is a lot I had on the brain that I wanted to write here, but that has all flowed away, and trying to catch it up now would be foolish, probably. I'll think of other things. I'm always thinking of things. The surgery was a procedure whereby an electrified wire loop was used to remove some parts of my cervix. The biopsy results on what they got will come in next week. It seems as if I spend my months one week at a time, waiting for biopsy results. Fingers crossed, this may be the last time. Daveworld is alive and well. The list operator has made it even simpler to subscribe than it had been. While some of us are aching for fresh blood to invigorate the list, some of us worry that the ambiance of the list will change, and possibly our peace will be shattered. I think some of us even feel both at the same time. I know that's true of me. I think Elizabeth Lynne is afraid I am falling in love with him. It's just a strange vibe I get, and moments of distance, emotional distance, that seem to say, "You are freaking me out a little; back off, please." It's hard for me to have such a good and valuable friend without telling him so, but I think the wrong message is getting conveyed, and it's spooking him. I do not want to scare him off. The time we spend together is very good and rich, and of all the people I know, he gives me the least hard time. Hell, I don't think he's ever given me a hard time. I could be jumping to conclusions. I sense an element of fear in him, and I may be all wrong just what the fear is. He may actually be afraid I'll reject him. Or maybe he's afraid of something I haven't even guessed at yet. I've tried to be a relaxing influence on him. I hope it works. Moomie and Boober are coming up this weekend, and they'll stay through the summer. This will be a good thing, seeing my babies every day, and it will force me to go home every night. I need to clean up the house tomorrow. I have another guest coming and a great weekend on the horizon, with a cookout one day and a get together with dedubbers possibly on the other. Fingers crossed. I'm really looking forward. --Spring
|
Previous
List Next Quick-and-Dirty
Companion Journal
|