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22 September 1998 |
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The problem with increasing your office staff is that you cannot masturbate at your desk. I'm not telling why part of my journal suddenly went missing. If you've been reading all along, you know what was there, and if you haven't, then you don't really need to know. Ok I'll tell you, it was making someone uncomfortable because it was being used in a way in which it was never intended. Although my normal reaction to being faced with something like this would be "fuck off," I gave in pretty easily this time because, quite frankly, these entries were causing me some embarrassment myself. I never felt like such a first-class rube. It's quite possible that I haven't just been taken for an elaborate ride, but it sure looks that way. At some point in the future, the pages will become both less dangerous and less discomfiting, and I will return them to their places. My sister is visiting. I have seen her once, I think, since our sister's death in October. We've been estranged for quite a few years now, so it's new getting reacquainted, but so far, so good. She's been here a couple days, and finally relaxing, losing some self-consciousness. She's really a lovely person, but I get the feeling she doesn't know that. I haven't been able to concentrate well lately.
Sometimes I'm downright pit-of-blackness depressed, and sometimes just
scatterbrained. Often this means that something is churning in my
subconscious and will emerge in a day or two. It's like the stomach
cramps you can get before a really big dump. I'm having a brain movement.
--Spring
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