---from audio tape from Sunday the 19th---
    
    This could conceivably be a problem, because if the recorder stops while I'm trying to record, I'm gonna miss something.  Snoops is supposed to buy me a dictaphone -- "voice actuated"??!!  Oh!  Okay, alright, so if it stops that means it's not getting anything.  I don't like this voice actuation thing, how do I turn it off?  Oh.  Off.  Waitaminit - "hi," "lo" and "out."  Well, it's running, and that's the main thing.
    I haven't picked up this cassette recorder in well over a year and probably more.  I actually have this from our days at DLI.
    
---You know what?  Forget about this.  I think I'll hire somebody.---
    
    I have about forty five minutes worth of my voice on tape.  It was fun.  It was interesting.  It's still in there.
    Wlofie tells me there are dictation apps that can harness my puter to turn speech to text, but this thing has a wiggy sound card, or sound card configuration, or something.  I don't think it would work.
    
    A lot of stuff is churning in me, and I want to write it, but something is in the way and it's hard.  I feel a lot of changes blowing in, good things for me and mine.  Good things and bad things, but all different things.  I'm so full of love and hope and fear and guts and hunger and tenderness, and the sources of these feelings are so divergent and intertwined, it would take a rather complex chart to illustrate it.
    
    I botched Christmas again.  There is no money and no time.   I have some cards, but it's too late.  I think the main reason I hate Christmas is not as much about commercialism and conflict and symbolism as it is about the plain fact that I suck at it.  I hate sucking at anything.
    I suck at crosswords.
    I suck at chess.
    I suck at laundry, but I still do it.  The others...eh, not so much.  Guess it's a fear of failure thing, you know.  Drop a course before you flunk it, so you don't screw up your average.
    So, do I hate Christmas because I do it badly, or do I do Christmas badly because I hate it?  Hmmm...
 

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