08 Sep 02
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Weird Mood

I feel really weird tonight. Restless and sad. Irritable and longing. Part of it, I think, is that I looked at Azagthoth's pictures of DragonCon and how many truly fun looking chicks, and it turned me back into the insecure 14 year old that my lesbian side is, where I feel all awkward and dejected and stuff.

Part of it is that I want to go to Thailand. Am thinking maybe next year.

Part of it is that there's so much I want to do with my life, that I don't have enough life to do it all.

Part of it is that even though it's been about a year since Corsair and I broke up, it feels like it was last month.

Part of it is that I'm making some mistakes at work tonight. Or maybe I'm making mistakes because of the mood instead of vice versa. Or maybe both.

Part of it is that I am having yet another crush. I'm prone to crushes, although past few years I've been approaching them in a much more mature way. I've been cherishing them in their way and letting them peacefully run their course, to leave a residue of friendly affection, instead of pouncing the crushee and causing chaos. So, this crush is good, it's working out. It's applying a layer of sweet on the bitterness.

I dunno what's with me. It feels like I need something exciting and unexpected to happen.

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