27 Nov 01

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Our House, in the Middle of Our Street

We've entered a funny stage here at Condo Napalm. It's that phase I've been kind of dreading, where, once we've decided that I'm staying, and not seeking out a home of my own, we start trying to kind of fit me in. It's sort of making the space mine too, even though it isn't really mine at all.

The situation is a little odd in that the space is still very much my mother-in-law's although she passed on before I met her son. Many of the things here are things that belonged to her, and they are in the same places that she put them. I found it creepy at first, but I've gotten used to it, and it says as much about Napalm as it does about her. He's sentimental, in certain ways. It's very heartwarming.

But now there's another person sharing his space. Of course, this is beside the issue of the Jolly Goth's areas, since it isn't shared space. I mean the common areas and Napalm's bedroom. I'm an inhabitant of these, and it's hard for me to inhabit a place without customizing it some. But I've been nervous about it, because this is, after all, Napalm's place, and I haven't felt as if I have the right to change anything.

Slowly, gradually, I've been modifying a few things, and checking to see if there's approval. So far I haven't done anything heinous.

The other day I rearranged the living room. This change was a big one, and I toyed with the idea of just doing it while he was asleep and then surprising him with it, but then I worried that it might make him angry, so I confessed the whole plot, and he laughed. Then he proposed a deal. I could change the living room around if I promised to put it back if he didn't like it. I counteroffered that it would be a deal if he waited at least 48 hours before deciding that he didn't like it, in order to be sure. Deal.

Well, it worked out fine. There's more seating area in there now, especially as the sofa that had been in the bedroom is now fitting in nicely with the living room things, which have been arranged to accommodate it. This sofa is a companion piece to a chair that was already there. He pronounced immediately that he liked it, which was a huge relief for me.

I've also made a point of helping him further his own housekeeping goals. For instance, there are pictures that belonged in certain places on the walls, but they'd come down because the picture wire or wire mounts had broken. He'd been meaning to fix these for some time, so I did it, and returned them to their places.

I guess it's a balancing act, integrating and yet preserving also.

There are pieces of art, some wooden masks, that belonged in the hallway, but their mounts got broken as well. I'm planning on fixing these and re-hanging them, but in a less trafficked area where they are less likely to get knocked down. Napalm approves of the idea, and of the new location, and also of the idea of grouping them with a couple other pieces, a pair of tiki masks that were never mounted. I think they'd harmonize well as a group.

The hallway now hosts a couple of photos that I shot. That feels nice.

I know it will take some time. It will take some time and sensitivity and communication. But Napalm did reassure me that he wanted me to feel like I belong here, and that feels really good.

By the way, the title is a joke. The house is neither a house, nor in the middle of our street. It's our apartment condo at the end of our parking lot, but somehow, that's just not as lyrical. 

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