Once upon a time, the issue of respect came up in Daveworld. I don't recall the particular circumstances, but it was about the basic level of respect that all people may or may not initially deserve, and how much you should show respect for them. It was about -how- you show it or fail to show it, and about what to do if you lose respect for someone.
The discussion got quite lengthy, as this is a really subjective item in our social skills palette.
For me, each person I meet gets a default level of respect. My level is lower than some people automatically give and higher than others, and I don't know how to convey to you the quantity I'm thinking of. Hm, maybe if I compare it with someone you know.
(Imagine music here while I ponder - this is taking awhile.)
Okay, did you see Office Space? You know the three main guys working at Initech in this thing - Peter, Michael, and Samir? Imagine them at the beginning of the movie, before they do anything questionable. Ok Peter gets the baseline respect. He doesn't particularly shine, but he doesn't do heinous things. He's something of a spineless soul for not standing up for himself at work (or with his girlfriend), but he's generally a decent chap and he treats his friends well, even his neighbor on the other side of the paper thin wall. Michael is something of a whiny-ass pussy and rap poser, but he's also generally nice and funny, and Samir ain't bad at all. All three of these guys pretty much deserve the default amount of respect I normally give upon meeting people.
Now, the longer I know somebody, the more I see of their character. I am not so much listening to what they say, though it is a factor. I am looking at what they do. I am watching how they treat people. I am noticing how they behave toward not just their friends, but also enemies, family members, and strangers. I am watching how they talk to wait staff at restaurants. I am listening to how much they gossip and how much attention they pay to gossip.
I am also looking at what's going on in their lives. How do they deal with adversity? How do they deal with conflict? What are they willing to go through to accomplish their aims? What sorts of aims do they have?
This is really, really subjective, I understand that. I don't have some kind of ruler to measure people by; it's all gut reaction.
Generally speaking, if they do stuff that stinks, and keep on doing it, my respect for them goes down. If they do stuff that rocks, my respect for them goes up. And ya know what? My respect for people is a little bit buoyant. It can go up even if they don't do much that rocks. If they did something that stank, but then refrained from doing anything else awful for a while, then it can go up for them too.
Here is an important point though. I choose to treat people with that baseline respect, most of the time, even if my actual feelings of respect are much, much lower than that. It's called civility.
It's called civility, and I don't see much of it in the world at large. Especially on daytime TV.
For me to behave with disrespect toward someone, their respect-o-meter would have to plummet like an unlucky Half Dome climber. They would have to do an awful lot of sucky stuff in a relatively short period of time. When that happens, Bruno the Inner Terrorist, who would much rather be ripping their heads off and pissing down their bronchi, does actually bubble to the surface enough to get hold of my self expression tools and affect their use. And in those instances, the more rational part of me says why the hell not let him.
It makes me want to puke sometimes to see pimply little jerks popping off about who "dissed" whom, as though they deserve more than the baseline level of respect. Respect isn't something you demand. Respect is something you are entitled to, in a certain amount, in the beginning, and something you furthermore earn. You get a little amount of respect just for being a human being, and more than that for being a mensch.
If you have to demand respect, you are doing something wrong. You aren't earning it.
